Wedding Stress Busters

Your wedding is a significant life event.

It represents unlimited new possibilities and exciting and longed-for beginnings. As a display of love and hope a wedding is tied up with expectations for the future and the fulfilment of dreams, all concentrated to within a few hours.

Weddings are supposed to be magical. The hope is for a perfect day to reflect the perfect union between bride and groom, beautiful weather, flowers, food and wine, charmingly behaved guests and a happy family event where two people promise to cherish each other for ever.

Yet pre-wedding stress is a cause of many a frazzled bride and groom. An awareness of the potential triggers of stress may help avoid some of the anxiety and difficulties that can turn what should be an exciting event into a cause for disappointment.

Expectations

Everyone involved in the wedding preparations will have an image and idea of how they believe it will be and may not be able to resist sharing their thoughts on the subject. As a couple, find time to discuss what your expectations and priorities are for the day. They may be different. The guest list may be more important to one of you than the menu. Allow for differences and compromise.

Perfection

When we are married for the first time we hope and believe that this will be our only wedding day. Therefore the thought that this day will never be repeated means that ‘this day’ must be the ‘perfect day.’ Life is never perfect but it is sometimes the imperfections that make it unique. There is no doubt that there will never be another wedding like yours, because it is your wedding and therefore will be very special and a one and only. Keep this in mind when things do not work out quite as you had imagined or hoped.

Decisions

There are many choices and decisions to make during the preparation for a wedding. Some will seem more important than others. There are often difficulties when there are many opinions. As a couple, you might find it helpful to speak to your respective families and ask what is important to them. Let the families know that their thoughts and ideas will be considered, but let them know that the final decisions will be made by both of you.

Expense

The expense of a wedding may be a source of stress but setting - and working within - a budget will save worry about finances before and after the wedding. Ask for financial support if you are able. Couples often now ask for a contribution to their honeymoon rather than wedding presents.

Communicate

As a couple, being able to talk about the arrangements, the fun as well as the difficulties, your worries, anxieties and concerns is the most important way to keep stress at bay. Problems that arise are important to talk through before the wedding. Difficulties with communication may be helped by many religious institutions who often offer pre-marital support - or couple counselling may offer an environment where it is possible to discuss some of the issues in more depth.

The wedding day will come and then pass very quickly. Maintain perspective, keep talking to each other and enjoy the preparations and that special day, which is the start of the rest of your lives together as husband and wife.

Dr Sara Riley, Couple Therapy 266 Upper Richmond Road SW15; 020 8788 0686