Parental Teamwork

Just the other day I was working with a mother who asked: ‘Why is it that at the weekend we have two adults with the children and yet it’s harder work than when it’s just me?’

The answer is communication. The parent less used to being at home, is less familiar with the children’s routine and patterns of discipline which often results in arguments between parents when they find they’ve contradicted each other. Solving this problem is not easy but by making a conscious effort to sing from the same hymn sheet, you’ll notice a big improvement.

A recent example I had was while working with a couple to try and find some discipline techniques they could agree on. Their 12-year old daughter was asked by her mother to brush her hair before leaving the house, only for the father to glide past and say her hair looked fine. The parents instantly started to argue the point and their daughter stood waiting for a decision to be made on what to do with her hair!

My advice in these situations is that the parent who starts the process should take it to its conclusion. So, with the daughter standing with her hair brush, the father may have disagreed with his wife but in this situation he should have glided straight past with his mouth closed! You don’t always have to agree as parents - we all have our own standards and expectations - but don’t let your child know that your ideas are different.

I have a very basic, four-step programme for discipline: Give a firm message; put a positive spin on when your child can behave this way; make sure apologies are to be made if necessary; then move on to the next task in the day.

Parenting is a continual learning curve and you are not always going to get it right, but it helps if you can support each other, present a united front and sing from the same hymn sheet!

Bespoke Nanny is a website run by Kathryn Mewes, who helps and guides parents with discipline techniques.

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